Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Let's Talk About the Friend Situation

This post is a long time coming - but I likely won't ever be finished with it.


Friends are important in any culture and they're ultimately broken down to the same bond in every language.  The problem is, it can be hard to make these bonds with a large language and culture barrier.  I've been fortunate enough to actually make some friends since I have been here.  I have reveled in the differences two people can have, but even more so in the similarities.  Before I got to Europe, I had no idea what kind of friends I would be making.  I figured best case scenario I would go home with lots of contacts and a few close people to chat with once in a while.  Instead I was blessed with a friendly and open class and inclusive youth at church and of course that special bond that only exchange students can experience.  

I got my first taste of a YFU friendship when I went to the three day orientation in Chicago in the middle of the summer.  I didn't know a soul, but I had stricken up a conversation with some kids at the airport before our day even began.  The rest of the three days were filled with long, late night discussions and dancing lessons, wandering around the campus during free time and rebuilding your typical conversation topics from "how many siblings do you have?" to "which country are you going to?  Have you gotten your host family yet?  How many HOST siblings do you have?"  I had one of the best weekends ever.  I met people with the best stories to tell and the best personalities to show.  There were only four of us going to Sweden, but I was practically ready to change my mind a thousand times over as I talked to these students about their special destination and listened to the enthusiasm in their voices.  Not only did we gain fifty new Facebook friends. we got our first taste of a global community and a sense of comradeship.  A week in Chicago wouldn't have been long enough.  

Next of course was our on-arrival orientation in Stockholm.  That was fun in a whole different way, mainly because it was no longer talking about different countries, but experiencing them through other people.  If YFU had an island of just exchange students, it would be as close to a utopia.  I still keep in contact with many of the friends I met during those few days.  I have visited many of them as well!  So there is one scene of friends - the exchange student friends.

I was terrified on the first day of school, naturally.  My first impression of the overall attitude of the class was one of distance, uncertainty and general unfriendliness.  However, once the teacher quit talking and we were all given the chance to talk to each other for the first time, I realized I was completely off base.  As the week progressed, I got to get a better feel of the people in the class, the way everyone does when they meet a large group of people at once.  For the first several months, my class was very inclusive and open, forming one large group and bringing a lot of variety to the whole scene.  As time went on, everyone started to find their better friends and chose them over the large group.  This isn't a negative thing at all; it's never a bad thing to find who your true, close friends are.  We've made the observation that for the most part, the large group we had formed split up into groups of two, where most everyone had one close friend they got along with the best.  We still hang out as larger groups as well, but at the end of the day they're who you're Snapchatting your ugliest pictures to.  My counterpart would be Sofia, a fashionable, funny girl who is audacious and quirky in the best possible ways.  Her family was actually connected to YFU earlier this summer and was very close to hosting me themselves, before this and that got in the way.  When I heard that news, I felt torn between parallel realities of what-could-be's if I had ended up in her home.  In the end, I'm glad the way things turned out!

There are different dynamics when it comes to friends here in Sweden.  I think the society's focus on the individual carries onto personal relationships.  It's rare to find friends here who feel the need to be with each other ALL THE TIME.  I find that to be exhausting, personally, and I've surprised myself by starting to realize that being alone for a bit can be the best thing.  When people are apart, they learn to develop themselves as separate from their best friends, meaning they form opinions of their own and can be counted on to bring different things to the friendship.  In my past experience, things don't work out well in the long run when you have one or two best friends you do literally everything with.  Swedes are stereotypically so: hard to get to know, very distant and rather cold until you get to know them.  Then, the friendship comes all at once and you know you've made a friend for a long time.  It's reassuring that I don't see a society in which friendships are considered to be fluid and interchangeable.  That's why I know many of the friends I have made will still be my friend years later when I am out of the country.

Now I would like to share a few pictures of my friends and I over the past months.  Most are random, everyday snapshots.  These are just a few of the ones on my phone - there exists SO many more on various phones belonging to my friends!

































































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